Third Chapter (Ramblings - IV)

It is six in the evening, and I am sitting on my patio watching the sun shine on the world. Above the rooftops across the street, Seattle is going to witness another one of its spectacular sunsets. I have so much to say, and no one to listen - it is only when I feel this way that I write, and I welcome the feeling with a smile.

The air smells of flowers, I hear laughter coming from another balcony a few floors below me. Beautiful women in towels and bikinis walk into the building across the street, returning home from a sunbathing session at the waterfront that is two blocks away.

The sight of bikinis has made me lose my train of thought, and I find myself struggling to remember what it was that made me so contented and dissatisfied at the same time.

I guess I never realized the true meaning of the phrase 'today is the first day of the rest of your life'. I feel like that today. Not one for cliches or platitudes, I stay away from those kind of phrases. But today, it feels like the long dull winter and all the sadness it brought with it, are a thing of the past.

I remember so much and so little at the same time about the first part of my life - growing up in Mumbai, the most beloved city in the world, with my parents and friends - I remember days, occasions, moments, parties, laughter and so many other visuals and scenes. But I don't remember at all, all the little pieces that you don't bother to put into words when you life your life a midst them. But the life I lived in Mumbai will be always be magical to me, and by far the best days of my life.

My first four years in the US - the next notable 'part' of my life - mistakes, bigger mistakes, heartbreaks, failures, very little professional success, comebacks, desperation and resounding loss - these too, more eventful and recent although they are, are now behind me.

I am no believer in destiny, or in any of the beliefs that state a man's life is already charted out, and that unbeknownst to him, a magical hand has scripted for him all his victories and defeats, robbing him of the chance to ever feel in control of his own life. But today, I can't help but feel that the way the book my life has read up until now,  the third chapter of my life has now opened up, slowly and beautifully on this fragrant spring day.

Which road do I take? Will I find what I am looking for? Will I find out in the first place, what it is that I am looking for? These questions may well never be answered. The secret to life, I now realize, is to know when to stop looking and make peace with the unknowns, while never giving up the search altogether.

Dumas, my favorite writer, once famously wrote - "Life is a storm. One day you will be basking in the sunshine, and the next day you will be shattered upon the rocks". It is the precarious ledge we perennially walk on, is life as we know it - and today in this sunshine, I allow myself a smile on my face, knowing fully well that soon, I may be dashed and shattered on the rocks that this chapter of my life no doubt place.